22

What a number. It's a palindrome, for one--if numbers can even be palindromes. It's the first birthday you face after the whirlwind that is 21, and often the last birthday people look forward to. And for me, it's a new beginning, a fresh start. In fact, 22 will be my 21.

For the first time, I am single, employed, confident, independent and relaxed, all at the same time. This has never happened before, folks, so take note. I spent the last year or more in a zone so comfortable that I all but stagnated. It was needed, sure, but at this point, I'm ready to grab every aspect of life by the balls and spin it in the air.

Is that a weird reference? Because it was the best way I thought to describe it.

Anyway, happy birthday to me.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
If you can't tell, that's a sigh of relief. I just got back from a weekend getaway that I really needed. It was mindless, fun, foolish and oh so hip.
There's nothing like sipping an amazing cappuccino in a seemingly unpretentious coffee house in San Francisco while the old man sitting next to you babbles to himself, or dancing to techno music with a big guy in a sweatsuit, or letting the constant breeze tangle the life out of your hair and not giving a shit, or doing sake bombs in a humble sushi restaurant.
The Bay area is just so different than Orange County in terms of people and lifestyle and state of mind and weather. It was really refreshing to see how others live, and I think I left my heart back there on the trolley, a little bit.
Could I ever live there in that urban world, when all I'm used to is exaggerated suburbia? It would certainly require a serious adjustment on my part. For now, I'm happy where I'm at and doing what I'm doing. But I will tell you this ... you may just find me having a brew in Union Square one of these weekends.

Coldplay

....is one of those bands that you love and you hate all at the same time. Inside, you're feeling somehow that you could only describe as kwlerjwaofiwujfowei oiao, and those bastards put it to words. Don't illustrate my feelings through the art of song! No one else feels that way! Ah, but they do ... damn you, Coldplay.

I was talking to a friend today about "cutting the crap" in your life, in your work and in all of your daily interactions. I would love to erase my sense of drama, which can vary in extremity at times, and replace it with a completely practical outlook. But seeing as that is practically impossible, I will simply try and monitor my reactions to the experiences that come my way, one by one by one.

Something else I've been dying to mention which relates to my new life theme of strength....
The other day I got home in a particularly shitty mood. Eyes misty, weighed down with bags and papers, I barely noticed the kids in front of me, blowing soap bubbles all over the bushes and the ground. I went inside, collected myself, took a shower and relaxed, realizing that I was making things out to be worse than they really were.

A few hours later, I went to take out the garbage, and the sunset revealed a glimmer on the concrete below me. Lying there, between the oil slicks and dry pine needles, was a small bubble, still intact.

Now, let's be honest. I'm far too tired to talk about what it meant to me and what it all means. All I know is that I got a quick lesson in survival tactics.

The Big Picture

It's easy to put yourself into a little box, so you can focus on only that and choose "themes" that will define you at any given time.
Today, I am a young professional, a liberal, a new college graduate, a moderate feminist and an angry bitch. It all sounds very typical and a little too easy. And unfortunately, you don't learn much from easy.
I just talked to a college buddy who has spent the summer training and teaching middle school students in Watts, in South Central L.A. It's been 6 weeks since I've seen him last, and it seems like he's an entirely different person with a more complete understanding of what the world is all about. More complete than my understanding, to say the least.
My life, in the scheme of things, is so unimportant ... my problems, in comparison to real problems that people have, are less than inconsequential. How can they feel so all-encompassing?
What I need is a big dose of perspective so that I can stop bellyaching and start serving a purpose. I have two legs to walk on, a mind that works pretty well when I want it to and loads of opportunity ahead of me. Today I was looking at the Peace Corps web site for opportunities. Is that my reality check? Or can I find that "check" right where I am, with the right frame of mind? Who knows.

Part 2

I'm in the office after a particularly interesting morning of meetings and food. I like meetings...and I really like food.

Life has been ridiculous lately. I was comfortable with my perception of what my life was all about, and confident in the fact that I wouldn't want it any other way. Then things were ... rustled up, if you will, and here I am, a bit off balance, but surprisingly calm and cool.

I wish I could be a recluse at a time like this. You've all known someone who faces a sudden or difficult change in his or her life, goes into hiding for a while, and comes back, better than ever and possibly even tanned. I wish I didn't need people around me when I was lost, people that I could babble to and be incoherent with and show all my weaknesses to.
But unfortunately, I need people and I need babble, and it's both funny and disturbing to see who I find comfort in in different situations ... I really feel bad for them, putting up with my shit, but respect that they can.

Because it's some pretty irritating shit.

Hello

I spent three years coming up with what I thought were clever anecdotes for my fellow classmates at UCI. I lived with deadlines and often cursed my decision to be a columnist ... to have to come up with things that my readers would find original and thought-provoking.

But now that I have no publication that relies on my inches and words to fill up the space, I feel something missing. As cheesy as it sounds, I need to keep talking. And if the same people aren't listenting this time around, so be it. I'm late for a meeting now, but this was nice. =)